Falling Out of Love

by Jan Silvious

The other day I heard a woman say, "I have fallen out of love with my husband."

I just don't have the feelings I used to have for him." This lament caused me to think about what it means to "fall out of love," to lose love.

Dr. Richard Meier of the Minirth-Meier Clinic says, "Love is not lost; it is simply transferred." He reports that most of us go through periods of not feeling aware of being "in love." It only becomes a problem when feeling is absent for weeks or months.

If you have experienced this very disturbing feeling, then ask yourself, "If love is gone, where did it go?"

  1. To another person?
    1. Emotionally-because of another person, a friend, or a relative?
    2. Physically-because of an affair. Have you been playing with fire, thinking you wouldn't get burned? Unfaithfulness to a spouse destroys the bond and creates guilt.
  2. To a job?
    1. Is your job on your mind all of the time?
    2. Do you work unrealistic hours? Is it easier to stay away from home than to cope with the way you feel when you're there? Do you work for feelings of accomplishment, status, or recognition?
    3. Do you invest all your emotional energy in your job?
  3. To your children?
    1. Does your child, who looks to you for his every need and makes you feel so necessary, draw love away from your mate?

Marriages don't just happen. They require nurturing and they require time. I have some tomato plants that looked great a couple of months ago. I was excited about all the big juicy tomatoes they would bear. As the weeks passed by, it became evident they would only produce little "death wads"-tiny hard tomatoes-and so I was disappointed and lost interest in my once-beautiful plants. I stopped watering and checking on them. They look pitiful now and are dying.

Marriage, too, requires nurturing. If you don't take care of it and nurture it, it will die.

If you have "fallen out of love," pray for the Lord to rekindle your feelings for your spouse. Ask Him to redirect your energies toward building strong ties with your mate and to show you how to divide your time and attention among other family members without sacrificing the marriage bond.

From The 5-Minute Devotional

© Zondervan, 1991